We Are Alive!

December 19, 2012

 

Yesterday Kyla was officially "home" for three weeks. Three weeks that in some ways have spanned ages and in others have passed in the wink of an eye.

 

I apologize for the silence in the meantime. I am still amazed by the number of people who have walked this journey with us...cried with us, rejoiced with us, prayed for us. Thank YOU for caring. It means more than you can imagine.

 

So......NO, the plane did not go down and we are not stuck in a holding pattern above Moscow. We made it home and the story did not end--in many ways it just got started! In some sense the recent silence alone should be a loud enough story. The first week was simultaneously pretty amazing and pretty rough. In retrospect it really wasn't as bad as I perceived it to be but as the author of these memoirs there was a good reason that the keys stopped typing.

 

We arrived home late Tuesday night (Nov. 27th) after 24 straight hours of travel. Kyla did beautifully. Incredible, actually. When we walked in the door of her new home there were signs up to welcome her and Remington and Karis were ecstatic to meet their new little sister. Our living room was quickly transformed into a play room as Karis searched every nook and cranny of our home for dolls, stuffed animals, tea party pieces... whatever she could think of as she took on the "very serious" role of big sister. Remington decided that hugs and kisses were his love language of choice but Kyla was not so sure about that welcome tactic. In spite of all the commercial entertainment items (and the brotherly affections) the highlight of the evening was a large cardboard box that the three of them turned into a train car as they marched around chanting "choo choo" in Kyla's Russian accent. It was a great, albeit it VERY late, night.

 

The next morning it was Jameson's turn to meet his new sister. As I put him in the high chair next to hers he looked at her out of the corner of his eye as if to say, "Hey, where did this chick she come from? Did anyone notice that there is a new gal sitting next to me? Well...just don't touch my food." His 14-month-old skepticism was unexpectedly humorous!

 

The kids stayed home from school on Wednesday to spend the day with Kyla. It was a great day. It snowed, we made cookies, Christmas music went on, the tree went up, Kyla laughed readily. It was good to be home!

 

So, "what was so tough then?" you may ask. Well, within 48 hours of getting home I returned back to work, 7 out of 8 of us in the house (Neil's parents were here) came down with the stomach flu, Kyla (and the two of us) had fully reversed jet lag so sleeping was not in the cards and my 96 year old Grandma (who lives here in Greeley and for whom we provide care) came down with pneumonia. I felt a little underwater to say the least. So, it is probably a good thing that I didn't write a blog post at that time... you may have sent out social services to drag me away. But, thank God, time does heal. Flu subsides, jet lag ends, our church has amazing women who literally kept my family fed with dinners each night for almost two weeks straight, work brings new smiles (literally) and even Grams was able to overcome her illness. Life is much better now than 3 weeks ago and for that I am very thankful.

 

Another thing I learned in the past few weeks is something that I already knew but that is always nice to be reminded of... I have an absolutely incredible, patient, loving, fun, compassionate and gracious husband. Thank you, Neil! You are a rock.

 

So how's Kyla doing? She is awesome. She is funny, joyful, smart, ornery, determined, independent, curious, playful. She is a gift to our family. She amazes us with what she is capable of doing and she is picking up English quickly. She speaks a funny mix of English and Russian at this point...Russlish we call it. She loves her sister and she shows great sympathy toward her baby brother when he falls yet has no problem scolding him when he is making a mess pulling things out of drawers. She was slowest to warm up to Remington (who absolutely adores her) but it has been fun watching that relationship improve with each passing week. She loves bananas, boiled eggs, almonds, peeled cucumbers and corn dogs but won't touch ice cream or pizza!!! She throws an impressive Oscar-award winning tantrum but thankfully the tantrums are short in duration and time-outs work beautifully (thank you, thank you-not sure what we would do if that weren't the case). The time-outs started on an old pew by our front door but we quickly realized that with as much as she was being plopped on there she may learn to hate sitting in a pew for years to come so we have since changed to a fairly uncomfortable decorative chair ("pointless furniture" according to Neil) as her new spot. Fortunately the time outs have also been fewer and fewer with each passing day. A couple other areas of praise: we had our first post-adoption visit from our social worker last week. She came to check in on Kyla and on us. She was amazed with how well Kyla was doing and how "bonded" she appeared to be to us (thank goodness she didn't ask about the corn dog diet!) We also had Kyla's first visit to the pediatrician and everything appears to be great--her heart, lungs, legs, skin, behavior... the doctor said she looks amazingly healthy!

 

 

So yes, not only are we surviving but we are finally starting to see that we are thriving. Even in the midst of the "yuck", and actually mainly there, we are growing in ways that we couldn't have imagined. I have mentioned before that people often tell us how blessed Kyla is to have a family, how great it is that we have "saved an orphan". As I watch our family change, as I experience so unequivocally my inability to have everything "in control" and as I learn that that has always been the case even in the midst of my "controlled" denial I see that adoption is not just about the orphan child but really about the orphan soul. Life without parents is the recognized definition of an orphan but living life as if I don't have a parent, a Father, that is totally and utterly in love with me and who would give and has given up everything for me... that is the orphan who is truly being saved in this process. I am far more often the orphan than I realize. Watching Kyla struggle to trust us and then seeing glimpses of that trust break through her fiercely independent exterior shows me a picture that I desperately need to see and learn to embrace....but that is fodder for a whole other post.

 

It's now time for bed. Let's hope the whole clan sleeps through the night...

 

Thank you, again, for traveling this journey with us.

 

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"The Volunteers"

November 26, 2012

It's snowing in Moscow!! Yippee!

This entire journey has had so many twists and turns and one of the great privileges has been getting to know the team of women who have worked on Kyla's behalf here in Russia to help bring her home. Friends and acquaintances have asked us more than once if we have ever felt "frustrated by corruption" during the adoption process or if "the whole thing is just a big racket?" Well we can answer with great confidence that the women who have worked so hard to help bring this adoption dream to fruition have done it with a deep seated passion that comes from a love for the orphan and with a genuine desire to see children in families, not merely facilities.

One of these women is Marina who lives here in Moscow. Marina is a true babushka (Russian for grandmother). She has a daughter and grandchildren of her own who live here in Moscow as well. She also has a master degree in English, a master degree in patent law and she happens to be an expert in Russian history as well as in opera. This woman is no dummy. She can move mountains in this city and she has chosen to advocate for orphans. She has personally overseen the adoption of over 140 children since the early 1990's. When she first met up with us in the airport here in Moscow she hustled and bustled us through to the train station with the prowess of a wizened expert. She moved so quickly, all the while insisting on taking one of our larger suitcases, that I finally said to her (with a smile), "Marina, slow down, you are a babushka you know." She looked at me with a sparkle in her eye and said, "Ah yes, but I am a RUSSIAN babushka... Now hurry along or we will miss our train."

As we scurried through the airport we made our personal introductions and discussed the basic details about how the adoption process had gone up to this point. Just as we were turning the corner around a smoke filled corner coffee shop she cryptically questioned me about "the Volunteers". Although I was never able to get the full picture of what she was referring to I thought the mystery of our dialogue was worth mention. The conversation went something like this (as best as I can remember it):

Marina: "So, did you get a chance to meet The Volunteers at Kyla's baby house? I hope they didn't cause you any trouble."

Me: "What Volunteers? You mean the workers?"

M: "Ummm, no. The Volunteers...they have been extremely concerned with Angelica (Kyla) in particular for quite some time. You didn't meet them?"

Me: "I'm sorry, Marina, but I have no idea what you are talking about. Who are The Volunteers and why were they concerned about Angelica?"

M: "Oh never mind then. I thought you had maybe encountered them. It is no big deal. Don't think of it anymore."

Me: (pause for a moment, partly to catch my breath as we continued to hurry on) "Marina, I'm still curious... Who are The Volunteers and why were they concerned?"

M: "Oh, don't worry yourself about it. Sometimes they can just meddle too much and I wanted to know that they hadn't caused you a problem. There are many of them-both here in Moscow and also in Vladivostok. They were very concerned about Angelica in particular, The Volunteers both here and there that is. They were worried that she may not find a family and they were asking and praying that she would have a family come to her. I hope they didn't cause you a problem."

Me: "Let me get this straight. These 'Volunteers'-- they have been praying for Angelica? Are they nuns or something like that?"

M: "Yes, that is correct. They have been very concerned with her for a long time and they are even now asking how she is doing. They are very thankful that you have come.... Anyhow, hurry on. We mustn't miss the train, it is cold."

 

And that was it. No more details. No more answers.

What I don't know is who The Volunteers are, how many there are or for how long they have prayed.

What I do know is that they have prayed... Prayed for my baby girl before I had ever laid eyes on her or likely had ever even known of her name.

Thank you, Volunteers.

"Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13:2

 

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Planes, Trains, Automobiles... And a Roller Coaster.

 

November 22, 2012

Here we are. Awake in the early morning hours listening to the city wake up (although it never really went to sleep from the sounds of it).

What a change of worlds, not only for us but especially for Kyla! We have travelled from Vladivostok: a small industrial city that feels about 30 years back in time to Moscow: the NYC of this massive nation. From no English, no Starbucks, and very little western influence at all to "lights-camera-action, it's Saturday night in Red Square!

Kyla, our sweet carsick baby, spent 6 hours in and out of a car on Wednesday as we drove all over creation in Vlad to get her medical exams done, Russian passport issued, notary signatures made, orphanage donations given, custody worker papers delivered and who knows what else done. Then, on Thursday, she hopped aboard an airplane for the first time in her life (which also moves, hence the sweating and vomit rerun) and proceeded to fly for 9 hours across her motherland. Other than the monumental blow-out that she experienced during the plane flight and the sheer TERROR over the airplane toilet, she actually did amazingly well. Once we arrived in Moscow we boarded a train...you got it--another moving vehicle :(....and made our way to the city center where we got in a taxi and jolted forward and backward through the night lights on our way to the hotel. Finally we stepped out of the taxi and into the historic Hotel Savoy-just 1.5 blocks from the Kremlin. 8:30 pm Moscow time, 3:30 am Vladivostok time. Lord, help our baby to be resilient, and help us to be some sort of anchor for her in the storm.

Well, she slept through the night and se did we. Whew! At breakfast she ate the most we have seen her eat so far. Much to our surprise her appetite has been very meager up to this point. Finally I think it caught up with her. As we walked into the gilded, Baroque style dining room (breakfast is included with the room-whoopee!) her eyes opened widely at the array of food options. We went through the buffet letting her chose what she wanted to try. The child loves fruit, eggs and coffee... Yes, coffee! She'll have nothing to do with dairy of any sort. Humph! Watching her finally eat makes this mama's heart soar.

So... How's the whole thing gone so far? Has it been all roses? No, definitely not. If bodily fluids (pee, vomit....among others) are any initiation into the parental club then we quickly became inducted members. If boundary setting and murky parenting waters are part of the gig... well, we're there. Has it been hard? Yes. Are we freaked out? Thankfully, no. There have been moments of pure joy, moments when Kyla will call out for us, nuzzle into us and clearly feel some kind of security in us. There have also been moments of intense trial. There was one "meltdown" in particular during which we could only act to hold her (much against her own will at the time), rock her, and whisper over and over that we love her, we will not leave her no matter how much she tries to push us away, and that we are here to stay. Exhausting, yes. Doubt instilling, no. To finally feel her little body melt and to have her rest her head on our shoulders says more loudly than any words, "okay, you must mean it." Yes, baby, we do. This roller coaster ride we are on clearly has moments when we squeeze our eyes shut tightly and hold on for dear life thinking "why on earth did we ever get on this crazy thing" and yet, almost immediately after, we find ourselves throwing our arms up in the air and laughing, ALL TOGETHER, in pure delight. Is it easy all the time? Heck no. Is it worth the risks? Definitely! Are we glad we took the ticket from The Conductor when we He handed it to us... ABSOLUTELY!!!!

So here I am, back in the room. Thick, puddling, tapestry curtains drawn, lights off and Kyla is finally napping. We have a couple of free days today and over the weekend to explore this amazing city since our trip happened to correspond with the Thanksgiving holiday and the Embassy is closed. Other than fiercely missing our kids at home we must admit we are not too sad about being forced to explore Moscow. Neil is out for a run at the moment...racing around Red Square. Perhaps he has a familiar Beatles ditty playing on his playlist.... "Back... back in the USSR, you don't know how lucky you are...". I would if I were him. Most certainly he has his black beanie cap on. He says he started a trend here since all the other young male Muscovites wear them. That's right, babe. You just keep thinking that.

I love my husband. I love ALL my kiddos. I love my life.....

 

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Pictures from Lullaby

Having blog difficulties...sorry!

 

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Lullaby For Our Daughter

November trip

 

November 19th, 2012

 

Well, we made it back. It is funny how a place so foreign can start to feel like home. The old adage "home is where the heart is" rings true as a large part of our hearts are being left behind every time we have to say goodbye again to our baby here.

 

Come tomorrow we will never have to say goodbye to her and walk out that door again. Tomorrow she comes with us.

 

It's good to be back.

 

We arrived to see the familiar landscape transformed yet again. This time snow blankets everything and it is falling in big, thick, fast flakes. The Russians are bundled up in their dark coats and with their large ear-flap hats. I look at Neil and we realize right away that we didn't pack as well as we should have... Oops!

 

So as we sit in our Vlad Motor Inn room tonight we are eerily quiet, the mood matching the silent snow outside. Both of us are thinking about tomorrow. How is it going to go? How will she respond? We will enter her "home" the same way as all the other times yet this time is so different. This time we will change her clothes into something that is, for the first time, HERS. The old clothes will be shed and left behind, for they were never really hers to begin with. We will carry her down that familiar hallway, past all that she has ever known, yet this time it will be for the last time. Will she mourn? Will she fight? Will she understand at all? The door will open and the world will be hers. We will pass through those tall, metal gates and she will step into a car for the first time. I pray that her fear is replaced by a supernatural peace.

 

So many thoughts tonight, so many ways that we are silently imagining what tomorrow will bring. Amazing to me that we know so clearly what is coming tomorrow in this dear child's life yet she doesn't have a clue. All she knows is that she is going to sleep tonight in the location that has been designated to her in the room of many beds yet it will be for the last time. She will never sleep in that bed again. She will get up and eat the same porridge that she has eaten for the last 3 years yet only a couple of hours later those bowls and spoons will never be seen again. We know all of this. She knows nothing of it.

 

What a beautiful picture of our own lives. Though we know so little of what is actually to come for us tomorrow (or any other day) our Heavenly Father knows every detail and He will be there beside us every step of the way. We are His and He is ours. Nothing takes Him by surprise.

 

So as we fall asleep, thinking we know what is to come, I rest assured in the fact that, in reality, I know so little yet I am in the arms of the One who created tomorrow, the One who knew about it before the dawn of time and the One for whom nothing is a surprise.

 

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.". Jeremiah 29:11

 

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

November 20, 2012

 

Dear Daughter,

"Hush little baby don't say a word....."

As you lay here next to me, sleeping without a peep, I wonder if I am the one actually dreaming. Today was the day I have been imagining, anticipating for so many months. It has come and gone and here we are.




"Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird..."

That's right, you do have a Mama now...and a Papa. And two brothers and a sister, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. They are all waiting to meet you. We have prayed for you, waited for you, named you, prepared for you.




"And if that mockingbird don't sing, Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring..."

Remember the bird that sang above us as we walked down to the beach today, the one that mesmerized you. He sang out as if to say, "Congratulations Kyla, you are a daughter now. Enjoy the ride, look around, be at peace. This is not simply a momentary dream--this is now your life. You have been given freedom. And your family has been given you." Watching you watch the waves quietly lap against the shore for the first time made me thankful that although we have missed many firsts in your life there are still many more that are to come. Rather than regret what has been we chose to revel in what will be as we watch our story unfold together.




"And if that diamond ring turns brass, Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass..."

As you grow, both in stature and in awareness, I pray that you will know that you are deeply beautiful. I pray that your looking glass would be that of the Creator who made you and not that of the world around you. For you are fearfully and wonderfully made. God does not make mistakes and He smiled when He made you. "It is good", He said. You are good.

"And if that looking glass gets broke..."

And when you do forget that His looking glass is all that matters then I pray that you would run to us, your Mama and Papa, and that we could remind you that you were set free. You were chosen. Today is your freedom day.

"For He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners....to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor." (Is 61:1-3)

For not only were you set free from your life as you know it now, you have been set free as we too have been set free. Free in knowing that you are unconditionally loved. Not merely accepted but ADOPTED. Adopted not only by us but adopted by the One who paid your ransom by making His own Son an orphan for your sake, an outcast in the looking glass of the world He made. So that when He looks at you He will see you as flawless, beautiful, His child... not by what you have done but by what He did for you. You are a reflection of His splendor. I pray that you don't forget this.

"So hush little baby, don't you cry. Daddy loves you and so do I."

What a day. Your joy, your giggles, your first bath, your first car ride (and car sickness... ugh). We will never forget this day. People tell us that you are so fortunate to be coming into our family, and we hope that is true... but I can tell you, with no hesitation, that we are the ones who have been truly blessed.

We love you, Kyla Angelica Gamblin.

Love, Mommy and Daddy.

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Sweet Home Vladivostok

November 19th, 2012

 

Well, we made it back. It is funny how a place so foreign can start to feel like home. The old adage "home is where the heart is" rings true as a large part of our hearts are being left behind every time we have to say goodbye again to our baby here.

Come tomorrow we will never have to say goodbye to her and walk out that door again. Tomorrow she comes with us.

It's good to be back.

We arrived to see the familiar landscape transformed yet again. This time snow blankets everything and it is falling in big, thick, fast flakes. The Russians are bundled up in their dark coats and with their large ear-flap hats. I look at Neil and we realize right away that we didn't pack as well as we should have... Oops!

So as we sit in our Vlad Motor Inn room tonight we are eerily quiet, the mood matching the silent snow outside. Both of us are thinking about tomorrow. How is it going to go? How will she respond? We will enter her "home" the same way as all the other times yet this time is so different. This time we will change her clothes into something that is, for the first time, HERS. The old clothes will be shed and left behind, for they were never really hers to begin with. We will carry her down that familiar hallway, past all that she has ever known, yet this time it will be for the last time. Will she mourn? Will she fight? Will she understand at all? The door will open and the world will be hers. We will pass through those tall, metal gates and she will step into a car for the first time. I pray that her fear is replaced by a supernatural peace.

So many thoughts tonight, so many ways that we are silently imagining what tomorrow will bring. Amazing to me that we know so clearly what is coming tomorrow in this dear child's life yet she doesn't have a clue. All she knows is that she is going to sleep tonight in the location that has been designated to her in the room of many beds yet it will be for the last time. She will never sleep in that bed again. She will get up and eat the same porridge that she has eaten for the last 3 years yet only a couple of hours later those bowls and spoons will never be seen again. We know all of this. She knows nothing of it.

What a beautiful picture of our own lives. Though we know so little of what is actually to come for us tomorrow (or any other day) our Heavenly Father knows every detail and He will be there beside us every step of the way. We are His and He is ours. Nothing takes Him by surprise.

So as we fall asleep, thinking we know what is to come, I rest assured in the fact that, in reality, I know so little yet I am in the arms of the One who created tomorrow, the One who knew about it before the dawn of time and the One for whom nothing is a surprise.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.". Jeremiah 29:11

 

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"DA"

Thursday, October 18

(posted by Mama Dana)

"You have hereby been granted permission to formally adopt the child, Kyla Angelica Gamblin, born on September 26, 2009 in the Khankaiski district, Primorsky region, Russia. This adoption has been granted to Neil Fitzgerald Gamblin and to Dana Anne Gamblin."

She said it. The gavel came down, the black robe confirmed the authority and the words rang clear. The judge said "Da" (YES).

Time almost stands still for a minute. Then the tears begin to roll. The translator, who looked so perplexed when she saw a similar reaction from us during our visit to the Ministry of Education in June, now joined us in our joy. She cried with us this time.

Then it was over. The stern judge who just gave us a gift far bigger than she can ever imagine was gone. I wanted to run and hug her...ask her if we can exchange annual Christmas cards...invite her to Kyla's future wedding... but she was gone.

The hearing took a total of 40 minutes! Our friend's hearing last week lasted almost 4 hours. Two other families today each had hearings of about 2 hours long (all 3 families were ultimately granted permission as well, thank the Lord). Our judge is not a particularly easy judge, she takes adoption very seriously. FORTY minutes. I almost felt gypped that it was so short. "But wait, I didn't have to fight for her. I didn't have to beg and plead. I didn't have to prove over and over again that we loved her."

 

No, you didn't because I already did that for you. I stood there as your silent translator. I stood there as her advocate.

For this child you have prayed and I answered your prayer.

1 Sam 1:27

 

In a world of 147 million orphans there is now one less lonely child.


And there is one more very blessed family...

 

Thank you for your prayers!

 

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