Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Lullaby For Our Daughter

November trip

 

November 19th, 2012

 

Well, we made it back. It is funny how a place so foreign can start to feel like home. The old adage "home is where the heart is" rings true as a large part of our hearts are being left behind every time we have to say goodbye again to our baby here.

 

Come tomorrow we will never have to say goodbye to her and walk out that door again. Tomorrow she comes with us.

 

It's good to be back.

 

We arrived to see the familiar landscape transformed yet again. This time snow blankets everything and it is falling in big, thick, fast flakes. The Russians are bundled up in their dark coats and with their large ear-flap hats. I look at Neil and we realize right away that we didn't pack as well as we should have... Oops!

 

So as we sit in our Vlad Motor Inn room tonight we are eerily quiet, the mood matching the silent snow outside. Both of us are thinking about tomorrow. How is it going to go? How will she respond? We will enter her "home" the same way as all the other times yet this time is so different. This time we will change her clothes into something that is, for the first time, HERS. The old clothes will be shed and left behind, for they were never really hers to begin with. We will carry her down that familiar hallway, past all that she has ever known, yet this time it will be for the last time. Will she mourn? Will she fight? Will she understand at all? The door will open and the world will be hers. We will pass through those tall, metal gates and she will step into a car for the first time. I pray that her fear is replaced by a supernatural peace.

 

So many thoughts tonight, so many ways that we are silently imagining what tomorrow will bring. Amazing to me that we know so clearly what is coming tomorrow in this dear child's life yet she doesn't have a clue. All she knows is that she is going to sleep tonight in the location that has been designated to her in the room of many beds yet it will be for the last time. She will never sleep in that bed again. She will get up and eat the same porridge that she has eaten for the last 3 years yet only a couple of hours later those bowls and spoons will never be seen again. We know all of this. She knows nothing of it.

 

What a beautiful picture of our own lives. Though we know so little of what is actually to come for us tomorrow (or any other day) our Heavenly Father knows every detail and He will be there beside us every step of the way. We are His and He is ours. Nothing takes Him by surprise.

 

So as we fall asleep, thinking we know what is to come, I rest assured in the fact that, in reality, I know so little yet I am in the arms of the One who created tomorrow, the One who knew about it before the dawn of time and the One for whom nothing is a surprise.

 

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.". Jeremiah 29:11

 

 

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November 20, 2012

 

Dear Daughter,

"Hush little baby don't say a word....."

As you lay here next to me, sleeping without a peep, I wonder if I am the one actually dreaming. Today was the day I have been imagining, anticipating for so many months. It has come and gone and here we are.




"Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird..."

That's right, you do have a Mama now...and a Papa. And two brothers and a sister, grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles. They are all waiting to meet you. We have prayed for you, waited for you, named you, prepared for you.




"And if that mockingbird don't sing, Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring..."

Remember the bird that sang above us as we walked down to the beach today, the one that mesmerized you. He sang out as if to say, "Congratulations Kyla, you are a daughter now. Enjoy the ride, look around, be at peace. This is not simply a momentary dream--this is now your life. You have been given freedom. And your family has been given you." Watching you watch the waves quietly lap against the shore for the first time made me thankful that although we have missed many firsts in your life there are still many more that are to come. Rather than regret what has been we chose to revel in what will be as we watch our story unfold together.




"And if that diamond ring turns brass, Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass..."

As you grow, both in stature and in awareness, I pray that you will know that you are deeply beautiful. I pray that your looking glass would be that of the Creator who made you and not that of the world around you. For you are fearfully and wonderfully made. God does not make mistakes and He smiled when He made you. "It is good", He said. You are good.

"And if that looking glass gets broke..."

And when you do forget that His looking glass is all that matters then I pray that you would run to us, your Mama and Papa, and that we could remind you that you were set free. You were chosen. Today is your freedom day.

"For He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners....to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor." (Is 61:1-3)

For not only were you set free from your life as you know it now, you have been set free as we too have been set free. Free in knowing that you are unconditionally loved. Not merely accepted but ADOPTED. Adopted not only by us but adopted by the One who paid your ransom by making His own Son an orphan for your sake, an outcast in the looking glass of the world He made. So that when He looks at you He will see you as flawless, beautiful, His child... not by what you have done but by what He did for you. You are a reflection of His splendor. I pray that you don't forget this.

"So hush little baby, don't you cry. Daddy loves you and so do I."

What a day. Your joy, your giggles, your first bath, your first car ride (and car sickness... ugh). We will never forget this day. People tell us that you are so fortunate to be coming into our family, and we hope that is true... but I can tell you, with no hesitation, that we are the ones who have been truly blessed.

We love you, Kyla Angelica Gamblin.

Love, Mommy and Daddy.




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