The Smile We've Been Waiting To See

 

We drove to the baby house through the sun filled streets of Vlad. As we pulled up Neil hesitantly admitted that he was nervous. Although I had not expressed it out loud, I felt the same way. What if we got here and things had changed? What if we didn't feel "it"? What if she ran from us? What if we had just been intrigued by the whole adventure rather than by the true purpose of the adventure? What if....? Not that any of these things would cause us to walk away, but they sure would make things a little more confusing.

So there we found ourselves--in a strange déjà Vu. Walking down the torn up asphalt driveway, past a line of multiple identical pink rain boots that had been placed out to dry, through the doors of her "home". On go the blue plastic shoe covers, up the rainbow painted path of the cinder block stairwell and into the bigger sized meeting room. We waited and we waited some more. It was probably only a matter of minutes but it felt like a lifetime. Neil and I didn't say much (which is unusual). Finally the door opened and in she came. Our Kyla.

She was wearing one of the same frilly pink dresses from our first visit only it looked shorter, she must have gotten a little taller. Her hair was a little longer and was put up in two big poofy pigtails with red ribbons. She looked adorable...and scared.

She hesitantly came to me only because the orphanage worker coaxed her to do so. I hugged her gently.

"Mama", I tried to reassure her. "Ya Tibiah LooBlou" (I love you).

She stood there, not stiff but not reciprocating.

Time to pull out the ice breakers. What better than some balloons? Neil started blowing them up in typical goofy Neil-style: letting them go before he was done....acting like he was about to pass out from hyperventilation.....tooting them like a trumpet horn. She started to let a smile escape, just a little one, and then she would look away quickly. We read a book together, we pulled out stickers and she began to show off the dexterity prowess that she so readily strove to demonstrate to us during our first visit . Finally she crawled up into Neil's lap. A boxful of animal crackers later and we began to see our sweet Angelica again. She began to giggle, then laugh, then belly laugh. We reached a point with her in the first hour that took us all week to reach last time.

 

We brought an outfit for her this time. We had not done that at the first visit for fear that changing her clothes would feel too invasive. As we took out the new dress and coat with matching hat her eyes lit up. She ran over, plopped down on the floor and put her feet up for me to exchange her old tights with the new ones. Forget hesitation or angst, this girl was pumped! She giggled all through the process and jumped up proudly once we finished as if to say "Look at me! Aren't I beautiful?". Yes, baby. That is why we are naming you "Kyla"... it means "beautiful". You are beautiful in far more ways than you know.

 

 

Then it was over. Time to go. But this time she didn't cry, she didn't fight. She beamed. It was a look of confidence. It was almost as if she believed Dasha (our translator) when she told her we would be back tomorrow. What a gift, Lord.

Thank you, Jesus, for bringing us on this journey. Thank you that when we were on our knees with fear and anxiety last January you didn't let us turn away from her face. Thank you that we could hear her call out to us from that single photo. Thank you that you reassured our fears today. Thank you that even when things are not okay (which they won't always "feel okay") we can trust that YOU will make it okay. Thank you that this is YOUR journey and that you love us enough to let us come along. Thank you that you did not turn yourself away from our faces when you saw us as beautiful in the midst of our brokenness. Thank you.

 

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